"After you come HOME!"

Ok,the first part of this upcoming blog post will be a repeat dealing with the parasite and medical issues, so just skim over it and get to the “rest of the story”. I will add to it in the next few days and weeks as we go about “life after coming home” and would love others who are just about to have their Homecomings to add their familes experiences and wisdom as well! It's called a support group for that reason right?! :)
Also, not to scare you but to prepare you......Lovely is/was full of parasites and since they are highly contagious I would suggest you make an appointment for your child with your pediatrician even before you fly. We actually had a Pre-travel appointment with our Pediatician a few months ago to just discuss what we were going to need to do when Lovely got home and that helped a ton too! Then, when we got the dates to travel we made an appointment for the day after we got back that I was going to cancel from being so worn out but I am so glad we kept! ( partly because Lovely also has some other serious health issues and will be having surgery soon, but also because we have another baby in our home and parasites are nasty business!)
Ok, on too not so icky stuff! I wrote a post on our blog about cocooning that you are welcome to read again and I will not go over all of what that looks like for us but will tell you we are SO glad we choose to do this with Lovely! From using a Baby K-tan wrap for the travel home where she literally pulled the fabric up and around her face when she was stressed in the airport! To Jim taking Family Leave and us just being home together JUST our Nuclear Family Unit, to her sleeping in a crib just a few inches from our bed so that anytime she opens her eyes she can see us! I KNOW it is making so much difference in her transition to home and her bonding! Since this is not our first adoption I can tell you that we have tried it both ways cocoon, not cocoon and cocooning for us is working 100% better! We have only left the house with her for doctor or lab appointments until this past weekend when we made a quick trip to play at the park, but we choose a very small park and we were the only ones there. (another reason we have stayed close to home is that she has parasites and they are messy and contagious and we were asked to do so by the Health Department!) Remember too, one of the most important ideas behind cocooning is your child seeing and learning to know exactly WHO her people are, her family! We even did the somewhat controversial thing of having big brother Elijah stay home from school with us for the first week and a half, and that too has been extremely good for Lovely and for him! If Papa and Mama happen to both be busy at the same time with our other baby or phone calls from the Doctor, etc she will go running straight for Elijah~Awesome! Then, people brought us food (WONDERFUL FOOD!) but we did not have Lovely “out” for viewing when they came. The only people at our house have been the Nuclear family:Papa, Mama and brothers, and then Grandma has come twice, Auntie Judy, and Uncle Douglas....that's all. (Grandpa and his wife will be coming in the next week or two) That might sound harsh, strict, or weird but I gotta tell ya “it is working!” She knows, that she knows who her people are!
I mentioned before if you have a child at home already the same age or younger then your child coming home I would highly recommend you put away much of the toys and books! Lovely was actually overwhelmed and scared when we first walked in the house and there was “stuff” everywhere~ not a messy house, just toys and kid stuff everywhere and it “blew her mind!” And, we have tried hard to mainly have out the things we have 2 of and have marked them with their names. I know, I know, sounds too much and many people have their own thought on “fair, not fair” BUT you will really want to spend more of your time playing,loving, bonding and less of your time breaking up toy arguments :-) One of the big things we do whenever a new foster baby/toddler comes to our home is that we go into what we call “survival mode” meaning we go to things like paper plates, simple easy meals, clear the calendar, etc. And it only made sense to do the same thing with Lovely's arrival. It just gives us a chance to focus only on the most important things~Getting Lovely Healthy AND becoming a new family unit!
Even those of you adopting an older child not a baby/toddler I would also suggest you make a big batch of brown rice and Haitian bean sauce to have for your child! (if you would like the recipe let me know and I will send you to the website....think it is called “Island Flavor” mind tired so can't remember for sure, and it is the recipe for Red Bean sauce (Jim and I actually both love it too!) As I said, people have been bringing meals in but most of it has been things Lovely has never seen before and would not even think of touching. So, we offer whatever has been brought but have the rice with bean sauce waiting on the counter and 9 times out of 10 she has refused the “meal” and devoured the rice and bean sauce! We chose to go with Maypo or Oatmeal for breakfast for all of us (since the day is starting between 4 and 5 AM for both our babies this sure makes morning easy!) and then lunch and dinner almost every day Lovely has chosen rice and bean sauce and will not eat anything else. Praise GOD my Mom was home while we traveled making that up for me! The sauce freezes great so that is something you can be doing while you are waiting for your child to get home too! :-) It is very easy to make and since they are so used to it will really help ease your load! Bannanas I can NOT say enough about Bananas! #1 Lovely ADORES them, would eat a whole one each meal, #2, they are fruit, and for now the only fruit she will eat, and #3 they help “plug a baby up” when she came home still in a diaper and LOTS of poo-poo diapers every day! For the kiddos coming from our Creche add peanut butter to the lists of “will eat” items. Lovely eats it by the spoonful! These things have been Lovely's staples since we got home and that is just fine.....oh, and plain pasta noodles with butter :0- you see them eating noodles in many pix people send of the kiddos and rice and bean sauce and they just love it and I think it makes the transition easier to see that while everything has changed they still recognize the food! So, you did not see veggies yet, I am kinda an expert at hiding veggies and will add shredded carrots and maybe even zucchini to the next batch of bean sauce and know she will not even notice AND veggies will come in time.(If you want to know more about eating/feeding/overeating/gorging,etc write me and I will send you a private msg :-)
Here's a biggie and SO easy if you are bringing a baby girl home, or a boy who you plan to let grow his hair......get a satin sleep cap and pillowcase, Oh my! You will NOT want to spend all the time on their hair and then have it destroyed each nap and nightime! :-) We found the sleep cap at Walgreen's for under $2.00 and the pillowcase was $10.00 so not a huge expense for a big payoff in hair care. We use the “Shea Moisture” hair and skin 100% Organic products and love them! I ordered them on line (Walgreens.com) and they arrive at the front door~nice! And,please don't feel funny or guilty to ask for help with your child's hair! Even taking your baby/toddler to a salon a few times and watching what they do....nothing at all wrong with that! There is an excellent website and Facebook page on hair care:Chocolate Hair/Vanilla Care with videos and how to's, etc Love it!
Most of all what I would tell you is to remember that just like bringing a newborn baby home from the hospital is not all smiles and giggles neither is bringing home a child from another country! And, it's ok to voice that. Find someone safe you can say those things too, your husband, another adoptive Mama, ME :-) Just know you are NOT alone and we ALL know you love and adore your child EVEN when you are “playing with their poo” and realizing that much of your day is much of your day is harder then you had thought it would be when they do finally arrive home. Set boundaries for yourself,your child and your family and be really super gentle with yourself!
****Feel free to write me anytime when your child/children arrive home and the next few weeks and KNOW that this is a safe place to say and feel and vent anything you need to!!!!