The work of waiting~

Many people have asked me if I have updated the blog and I have to be really honest with you: this blogging while waiting for your adopted child has gotten very complicated! I lived many years of my life in a not so authentic way as a Pastor's kid, then Pastor's wife I learned to be who people wanted me to be and wear a smile and nod polietly regardless of how I was feeling inside.
Well, then through many great losses and much sorrow Jesus led me gently and tenderly to a place of honesty where I am on the outside what I am feeling on the inside! This is very important to me.
Then came this process of adotping again and the wait that we NEVER thought we would be doing again. Everyone was blogging and as people asked us what was happening it seemed like a great way to communicate all at once what was going on. The complicated part came when I realized that I could not really say what I was feeling or thinking or how hard it really is due to some circumstances beyond our control and the blog being not as private as I understood. So......... I was caught in a very akward place. Do I blog and write smiles and hearts and pretend everything is just amazing, or do I back away and when this is "over" then tell more of our story and the actual process.
I'm guessing by my abscence you have figured out which path I chose. It does NOT mean we are NOT MISSING OUR BABY GIRL more than I could even write or explain to you! It does NOT mean we are NOT amazingly thankful for all of your support! It does NOT mean the struggle of my heart is not almost more than I can bear! It just means I have to keep it real and if in this format I can not really do that, then I pause and wait for the day when I can. AND yet, I think now "when Lovely gets home boy will have a story to tell you!" And then I throw my head back and laugh and think "NO I WON'T! She will be home and it won't even matter anymore!"
Kinda like Jim preached this last Sunday how people think when they get to Heaven they will have all these questions they have saved up for Jesus------BUT the truth is when we see Jesus IT WON'T EVEN MATTER ANYMORE THE PAIN WE SUFFERED DOWN HERE!!!
So, I do thank you for waiting with us, standing with us, holding us up when it feels we are going to fall,praying with us and for us, and know that we fully believe our DAY IS COMING!
Love and Blessings to all of you~Shelly, Lovely's Mama